you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
