Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
