Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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