LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
