in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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