There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
