last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
