I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
