I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I still have a little drunk in my system
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
