Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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