so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
