just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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