The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
