Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
