No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
