ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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