so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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