Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
