Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
