I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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