We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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