What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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