we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
