Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize