I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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