it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sponge bath it is.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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