So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
