at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
