Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
