from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
