Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
