guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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