I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Green mimosas i think yes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
