it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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