I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
