why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize