He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
