but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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