finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
