I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
