Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Randomize
