I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need to calm my uterus...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
