Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
