yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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