I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
