Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
