Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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