We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
