I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I deserve this hangover.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
