Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
