Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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