just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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