I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
