God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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