'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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