I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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