i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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