I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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