Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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