Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
