OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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