Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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