I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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