You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They have beer where we have blood.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
