this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
