He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
