I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
false alarm. still invincible.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Maybe he injected his testicle?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
