I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize