ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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