I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
