Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
