The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
