fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
