me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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