I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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