Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
