2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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