If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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