he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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