I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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