Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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