I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize