From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
