dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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