What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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