we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
