i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
