I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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