Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize