i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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