My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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