Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
