I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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